About

Roughly 7 years ago (seriously don’t try and get me to pin point the exact date I suck at remembering things. Whenever anybody asks how old my kids are I have to take a glance at my generic kids name/date of birth tattoos… come on don’t pretend thats not why you have them too) My wife and I (then girlfriend) decided that we were ready for the next step in our relationship. We had been together for some time, we were living together and life was good. However, the decision was made that there was one thing missing.

We wanted a baby.

This was not a snap decision, there were many conversations, strategies were made and plans drawn up. (well ok I did a little sketch of a pregnant lady with enlarged boobs, definitely not one of the reasons I agreed by the way) but this was something we planned.

Long story short (love how the story is never actually any shorter) lots of trying (yeah as a bloke I never thought it could ever not be fun) lots of disappointment (not my performance might I add) some IVF and there she was, our little bundle of joy. She was beautiful, she was my world, I would protect her with my life, it was unexplainable joy. I spent the day at the hospital with mother and child and never wanted to leave their sides but they were to stay in for the evening and I was sent home. Looking back I never appreciated that night enough, little did I know that after that night life was going to change forever.

Fast forward two years and along comes the next little “miracle” I use this term loosely, in the form of a little boy. He is my little soldier, my heir, my protégé.

This time, however, we weren’t thinking “we’ve had pets, we took care of them, how hard can it be?” We’d had two years living with his sister who had been developing in size, knowledge, and attitude. She was dangerous, I had never had a panic attack my entire life, but in those initial two years I experienced more than I can count. But this lad… this little Ginger devil… he made me realise that the horror was only just beginning.

Skip forward another two years and here we are.

This is a collection of musings, from a Dad of two. His transition from being a single, lothario in charge of his own destiny; to a referee, waiter, mediator, prison guard and victim of his own stupid life choices.

Mostly it is a view into the lives of two small children with humongous personalities and the crazy messed up things that they do. Which to those of you who are parents I’m sure is no surprise (thats a lie, seriously there is something wrong with them) but to the DINKies (thats Dual Income No Kids, for those not hip and down with the it) will be eye opening.

Take what you will from it, for some people without or expecting children, it may help you be better prepared for whats to come. (Lets be honest they should have someone at the front of Asda, hiring out kids for the day just to experience that sh*t, just like they do with the Rug Doctor.) For others it may just be a quick read to have a giggle at.

For “Princess Sarcasm” and “Bam Bam” it is probably going to be used as evidence in a court of law one day.

The Daddy